It's Not About The Towel

What comes to mind when you look at this picture?  

I am sure the word "obey" is not the first word to pop into your head.  I have a feeling words like freedom, openness, majesty, and maybe even calling come to mind.  But in this picture I see the word "obey".

I asked my kids yesterday, "Why do you think you should obey mommy and daddy?" 

The answers ranged from, "because it's good to follow the rules...because you know what's best for me...because you are older and wiser and have lived longer...". My heart sank because I knew I had missed the point over the years.   

I explained that when I ask for you to pick up your dirty clothes or wet towel, it's not about the towel or the clothes.  When you obey, something is developed inside your soul, a building of character.  When you pick up your towel or dirty clothes, you are developing a heart of gratitude for the abundance of clothes you have.  You are building a character of steadfastness when you complete a difficult task that seems meaningless.  You are developing an organized spirit as you put things in their proper place.   It's not about the towel.  

As you obey, you grow in character, and ultimately you know the heart of God more, and then you know yourself better because you are taking on the character of God.  Then, your spirit is more mature and your maturity helps you grow in wisdom, and be able to obey more readily.  A robot can follow rules, but only the human mind and heart has the capacity to grow in character.  

It's a circle that keeps repeating itself as it grows more dynamic with every turn.  A more dynamic relationship with Jesus is what is cultivated.  It's not about the towel. 

As my life progresses I can see how my own character has been developed from obedience to Christ. The picture above is from several years ago while we were hiking the Inca Trail in Peru.  There was a time when I did not want to live where we live, including so many years of obedience through clenched teeth and white knuckles.  But as my character was changed, I can see that it wasn't about the city, it was about how my character was being built through obedience.  And this photo is God's faithfulness in our obedience.  His joy in our abiding and my joy in his protection through his will...not mine.  And here is where He took us.    

It is so not about the towel.  So I'll just keep having my kids pick it up.   

Four years later....

There is so much I love about this picture...

It can't be all about them.  This year something is happening within myself too.  We are exchanging our fear for excitement.  

Help Matt and Nicole Turvey bring home their baby girl from China!

Help Matt and Nicole Turvey bring home this sweet baby girl from China!

This precious girl belongs to our friends Matt and Nicole.  

They were living in Lima, Peru serving as missionaries, then they were called to come back to the states and live in Atlanta, Georgia.

They are totally normal people, if you consider being on HGTV House Hunters International "normal".  

They live life out loud.  They are brave people.  They already have three kiddos.  

Yet, they knew that God was calling them to continue to open their home to this precious girl with special needs.

We went to Peru to visit the Turvey's and they opened their home to our entire family for 10 days...which turned into a lifelong friendship.

They are God's hands and feet.

Help bring this sweet baby girl home to her family.

We are hosting a Noonday Jewelry party to raise support for their adoption.

Sunday, November 16, 2014  6-8pm

1200 Winding Creek Trail

Atlanta, GA 30328

Watch this video to see how Noonday Jewelry is made: 

http://vimeo.com/60359863

Pre Shop NOW!!  Go to:  claudiahazen.noondaycollection.com

When you satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

your night will become like the noonday sun.  -Isaiah 58:10

Homebodies

It must have been three years ago that the snow came and captured Atlanta for a week.  School was cancelled and the city shut down right after the New Year giving the city another week of holiday break.  We were all ready to gear back up for school when Tuesday rolled around and stopped everything.  We were more prepared back then.  The city and weather services had forewarned us.  No one was on the roads.  The streets were silent as the sun glistened on the snowy white covered everything.  As the week passed, we played outside so much and I saw a new trait in my kids that I had not given thought to before.  My kids were brave sledders and creative players, making the week a surprisingly pleasant experience.  That was first time I thought, "I think I would love homeschooling".  

The next year I homeschooled just one of the four kids and loved it.  We appreciated the flexibility it gave us.  The next year, we decided to homeschool them all through a hybrid program called Veritas and here we are.  So much has changed.

This week in 2014 the snow once again gripped Atlanta and we were given cause to stay home.  I have to admit....I LOVE staying home.  It taps into all that I love about centering my life on things that matter most...and I hate getting four kids in the car to go anywhere.  I have consequently raised some homebodies without really meaning to.  I admit it is a growth area of mine to venture out.

In the last few days we have cleaned out the basement and created an entire Lego room dedicated to recreating the set of the new Lego Movie (which we have not even seen yet).  We cleaned out the laundry area and made a craft room.  We have taken inventory of dress up clothes and have bagged up so many clothes to give away.  We have parted the waters of toys to designate which ones to give to those less fortunate.  We have slowed down and paid close attention to each other, giving voice to a few dreams that would have otherwise been covered up.  My favorite dream was that we give away ALL that is in our basement and create secret tunnel of walls for a hideout.  Brilliant.  I am considering it.

I seriously needed this.  I desperately needed to be cleaned out, sifted, and reordered.  I needed to listen and refocus.  I am so grateful that God knows my heart.

Let it snow!

Acclimate or Accommodate

It happened again.  I was sitting across a lovely dinner table at my friend Katie's house.  She is an artist by trade, married to an artist, and lives in a beautifully crafted home that glows in peace and glorious smells from her always active kitchen.  She asked me and my rather large family over for dinner on a Sunday evening, which really never happens when you have four kids.  As we chatted over her delicious BBQ sandwiches, the conversation turned to our kids...as it almost always does when you have at least one.  We talked of fun things like "firsts"and the "what ifs", then she asked the question.  The question I have heard over and over again in the past year,  "How far do you push your kids? When you know what they are capable of, how far do you push and when do you stop pushing and accommodate their short comings?"

This is a question that has come across countless conversations in the past year.  I could almost complete the sentence word for word as it came out of Katie's mouth.

I have wrestled with this question a million times over the past seven years.

Since my eleven year old son was three, we have covered countless territories in seeking to understand his academic and emotional needs.  We've changed schools four times.  FOUR!

How much do we push him? What are realistic goals for him?

I sadly confess that I yelled at my then five year old boy because he could not complete his work.  My frustration peaked daily as I tried to understand why he couldn't do what I asked him to do.  He couldn't follow simple two-step instructions, or focus on anything for more than thirty seconds.

I spent several years asking him to acclimate to his surroundings, to rise up and step up to the plate.  My asking turned into heartbreak as I started to realize he could not do what other kids could do.  So, after testing and trials,  I accommodated him. We tried to fill the gap.

We changed schools, we even homeschooled, now we hybrid school.  And here we are again.

Meetings with teachers and counselors tell me that he struggles with anxiety.  No learning disability, no dyslexia.  No plan for a kid like him.  They wish me the best and send me on my way.

It's up to me.

Again, I ask, "How far do I push him? When do I step in and accommodate? How do I wean him off the accommodations? He can't go to college with me by his side!"

I have heard so many moms ask these same questions.  Would you share with me some stories of a child, or even a relationship, that you have had where you have walked that line to acclimate or accommodate?

Peruvian Adventure Highlights

Words can't even explain the gravity of our trip to Peru.  This was a dream of mine being realized.  More than anything, the joy of traveling with my family to see lands uncharted and discover more of who God is through people we don't even know…that makes my heart full! We must thank our gracious friends who hosted our energetic family for just over a week…the Turvey Family.  Nicole just became my new best friend and Matt, well…we call him "SuperMatteo" because he drove us around all week in his 15 passenger van and managed to not get us killed in Peruvian traffic.  The Turvey family took the plunge to invest their lives full time in serving the people of Peru for two years.  We were able to meet so many of the people they were connected with over the short time they were there in Lima.  Our kids will never be the same, and we are so grateful for that.  God is at work all over this world, and we are grateful that we got to see more of who God is through the eyes of some new Peruvian friends.  Here are a few highlights:

La Molina

Nueva Vida (New Life) Children's home 

Raising the roof with Marta and her boys!

A church near Atlanta, GA donated 40 new bibles for the staff at New Life

This is Nahum.  He stole my heart.  His story will unfold on the pages of this blog for many years to come.  

San Cristobal, Lima.

The coolest people I know! Nicole and Matt Turvey

Sunset near San Cristobal

The Incan Ruins in the middle of the city of Lima.

Photo Title:  Old Meets New

My sweet friend and her gift for touching souls.  This photo is from a special needs orphanage near downtown Lima.

We visited the factory of Krochet Kids Peru.   For more information on their amazing company visit 

www.krochetkids.org 

Krochet Kids Peru Headquarters

Products from Krochet Kids.  Handmande and absolutely beautiful! 

Winter beanies made from Alpaca wool are super soft.

Blake Goodfellow gave our kids a lesson in micro finance and mentoring.  We are so grateful to have been introduced to Krochet Kids! 

Jills ponders all these things in her heart wearing her new Krochet Kids hat. 

Jill makes a friend in the childcare school that Krochet Kids provides for their employee's children. 

Watching a dump truck unload on a squatter village below near Lima. 

This will be a memory that will last a lifetime.  Janie was hurt playing soccer and immediately all the little girls came to pray for her.  In an instant, one girl gave her a treasure from her pocket (a silver button) and offered it to Janie in hopes that it would help her feel better.  While these girls have nothing, they still give all they have away.  God is at work in these little lives!

Todd with our new friend from the Nueva Esperanza school…might also be called Brazos Abiertos? 

They are doing nightly work there!!  

Most importantly, our beautiful hosts kept us smiling with their genuine love for one another and their servant hearts.  Thank you Turvey Family!

A few folks were asking about my slides from a presentation I did recently.  Here you go! I compiled my information from the list of resources listed in the last slide.  Thanks so much to everyone for your continued encouragement!   Blessings as you explore the world of Parenting with a Why! 

One year and Seven Months

One year and seven months.  Thats how long it's been since I posted about reading Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.  I reread that post and caught the last line..."making my life worth writing about".  Well, here we go.

We are homeschooling our three older kids this year.  This is a first for us.  It's going well, but I rank it in level of difficulty right up there with childbirth.  This is way harder than I thought.  I salute the ladies who have been doing this since the good old days.  May the force be with you.

We are also taking our kids on a mission trip to Lima, Peru in exactly one month from today. I have dreamt about this for years.  I cannot believe we are really about to embark on a dream being realized.  I am both ecstatic and terrified.

The books that have marked my life in the past few years have come to define they way I parent and relate to my kids and family.  I have somehow met and been able to connect with all the authors of those books in the past year.  That is a remarkable feat considering I don't get out much with four kids.

I have been given the honor of having an amazing group of ladies that both ground me and lift me up. I have an adorable husband that I am still madly in love with. I give honor and Glory to Him to makes me whole each day.

I have not made a blog post in at least a year, maybe more.  This is me waking up and saying HELLO WORLD!  I am back!!

The 7 Project

A friend of mine read this book called "7".  The writer chronicles a project that she calls "7"....she calls it "An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess" it's by Jen Hatmaker

My friend decided it would be fun to get a group of ladies together to put this project in action here in our own community.  I love a good challenge, so I signed up.

Project overview:
Each month fast or limit yourself to 7 choices.  Month one: FOOD.  Limit yourself to only seven foods for a whole month.  Only water to drink.

I am on day 9 of the project.  Let me tell you....this is HARD.  I love sugar.  I mean, I LOVE sugar.  I think coffee is just an avenue for sugar and cream.  I think desserts should always be over the top.  Sugar is one of my main food groups.  To say I am in detox is putting it lightly.  I just got over the shakes and it's been 9 days.  Pathetic I know.

Things I have learned so far:
1.  I reat that it takes 6 days for sugar to leave your system.  I am clearly an addict as it's been 9 days. Yikes!
2.  If you eat the same 7 foods for at least 9 days, it will make you sick.
3.  The sick feeling you get will remind you of the sick and starving children and families around the world.
4.  My heart aches for the moms who cannot feed their kids and for the kids who can't grow because of the lack of food.
5.  I have not prayed like this in years.  Food is a constant reminder that I need something to survive.
6.  I need God like I need food.

The group I am in has a blog called www.7atlanta.blogspot.com

There are some pretty funny ladies with some great hearts in this group.  I can't wait to see how God moves here!!

I am on a mission

I have been reading the book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller.  It is a great book.  I have been inspired and it reminded me of a friend I had in college.  She saved every ticket stub, written on napkin, and disposable coaster from every event she ever went to in college. She was a double major in business AND art.  She was one of those people who used both sides of her brain.  She was artistically organized and woefully smart.  She could create business charts with numbers that looked like they hung in an art gallery.  She was amazing.  We all became Christians right around the same time in college.  What I envied most about her, among a ton of other things, is how she documented her life.  She would fill up these beautiful hard back journals with her exquisite handwriting and souvenirs and pictures.  Anyone lucky enough to get their hands on one of these and given the opportunity to scroll through the pages knew that this girl made every moment count in her life.  I always wondered, at what point did she learn how to do this?  At what point did she decide to live a life that merited documentation?  Did her parents teach her to do this?  Or was she innately made to live such a cool story?   This friend went on to serve in the mission field after school and did some amazing things.  She then moved back to where she grew up  and just recently got married to a wonderful man.   Her life is definitely one worth documenting.

But aren't we all?  If God perfectly wrote us into the  script of this world, don't we all live a life worth documenting?  And if we don't think we are right now, I am recently convinced that we could be.

So here I go, I am on a mission to make my story exciting and challenging and worth documenting!

Step one, to identify the problem

I have finally figured it out....again.  I am a planner.  I was born that way.  I can be very flexible, but I work best when there is a plan in place.  I have made plans and executed them.  I have made plans and have had them fall apart.  I am realizing now that it's not necessarily the outcome I am working towards, it's actually the planning and executing process that brings me calm.  Now, I know that it's not totally weird to be a planner.  The Creator of the universe plans things.  He had a plan and puts things in order so that things will run smoothly in the world.  I know that I am created in God's image, so being a planner is not surprising to me.  I thrive on plans.  Do you get that I LOVE having a plan??

Yet, every season I find myself reassessing my plan.  I have a plan and have to reevaluate it after a while to see if the plan is working.  I tweak it and change it.  I analyze the plan, think and react.  I change it.  I do it again.

I am seeing a pattern that I don't give the plan enough time to come to fruition.  I jump ship before I have hit shore because I think I can get there faster another way.  Then the waves pull me out farther.  Yet, I continue to do this and wonder why I am farther away from my goal.

In the book of Philippians in the Bible, Paul says this:
"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I CAN DO EVERYTHING THROUGH HIM WHO GIVES ME STRENTH."  

Alas, the answer to the secret I have been waiting for.  I can be content in the current plan because even though I want to jump ship because I feel like it's not working, it is in fact, already working for God's good.  If I trust Him, then His hands are in all circumstances....even the ones I feel need to be changed.  I can do all things through the One who wrote the book of life.  That is the secret, to see my circumstances and remember that I can do it...only through being on my knees in prayer and bending my will to God's will.

I will give thanks in all things.  Ann Voscamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, is one that I started to read, then put it down as my busy life took me over.  Yet one sentence continues to speak to me....that "ingratitude" in the root of sin.  I have seen that play out in my last 12 weeks.  I began to listen to the lies that surround me.  I have come ungrateful in some areas of my life.  I see now that that that is the problem.

Step one, identify the problem.  Check.

Getting back in action

After what seems like months away, I am getting back in action.  I have not actually been away, but it seems like my normal self has been hijacked by a face paced and blurry life.  I counted 12 weeks that I've been running around on empty.  I just can't shake the feeling that I am missing something big.  I am not even hitting the normal benchmarks I have had hit in the past.  My house is wreck and my washing machine has stopped.  That's when you know it's really bad.  I have quit keeping up with laundry!  That's no okay when you have four kids who need uniforms and soccer outfits and husbands who need clean undershirts.

Alas, I have thrown up my hands.  I have had meetings with teachers about my son's school work and meetings with friends who are concerned with my wellbeing.  I have offically quit wearing make up and committ to only wear sneakers with jeans.  I have hit the preverbial rock bottom of mothering life.

Only here have I found my way again. My inability to pull up my boot straps has drawn me to my knees.  Which is where I should have been all along.  In my weakness, He has made me strongest.

When your best is not good enough...

It really kicks me to the core when I hear that my best is not good enough.  A certain pang goes down my spine and my gut wrenches when I feel like I've given it my all to no avail.  It seems futile and wasteful...all that energy!  I have calculated and examined, stressed and made perfect, all to have someone say, "Well, it's just not good enough".  What do I then?  I am exhausted and sad that my talents have not matched up with my expectations, I feel that I have been let down and let down someone at the same time.  Tactile expression of truth...my oldest son is very analytical.  He is transparent and literal.  He likes to know derivitives in Latin and X-factors in math.  "If I do this, then this will happen....right mom?".   I have told him over and over again that one thing does always lead to another.  I have tried to explain the concept the Uunexplained and Unaccounted for.  I don't want him to think that things are always so predictable.  But there is a Trust issue here.

When I have given it my all....sprinted to the end with chest heaving due to loss of air...felt the burn of my legs and fatigue in my core.....and still hear, "Bev, you came up short.  You didn't make it"...will I choose to be mad or choose to pass my broken body to the One who was meant to carry me across the finish line?  Choose to give my self to the one who created me....who created my "best" and is still teaching me how to use this body of mine.   My best is still my self, yet His best is more than I could ever hope for.  Yes...my best is not good enough.  YOU are enough Lord! Allow me to trust that You have me in your hands.  Trust that and believe that You are my "enough".
  Press this verse into my heart....


2 Corinthians 10:5
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Yes!  That's it!

The start of a new day

Part of all things new is a sense of loss.  I watched my littlest girl go off to school today for the first time.  I have kept her home these past few years to sow into her little life and pour into my life a gift that I will always cherish....our precious time together.  I called her my little "partner" as we were rarely separated during the day.  She is the third out of four kids to attend school, so it's "time" I guess.  She practically RAN to the classroom today.  I watched her embrace her new surroundings, her new teacher, and comfort an old friend who was sad.  I remarked to my husband how brave she looked.  I turned the corner and cried a little as I watched my Jilly grow today.  I am so happy for her.  She is getting to experience life on a whole new level at a Christian school that teaches Grace and Love through Jesus.  It's only four hours a day, but she is grateful to be a part of what the "big kids" do.  I am thankful that God grows us up in due time.  I am thankful that I get to see my kids be excited about learning and being with friends.  I am perhaps most thankful that these brothers and sisters run to the car and jump in when's school's out and hug eachother like they have been away from eachother for years!  It's the start of a new year!

Looking up

Yesterday my youngest son decided to try his hand at tree climbing.  He managed to get into the tree just enough to get stuck.  Our other three kids have mastered the art of the climbing tree in our front yard.  They wisk their way to the top and yell, "Here I am world!".   Without fear they climb and sway with the branches in the warm summer wind.  I stand far from the tree with the kids in direct view...I hardly even have to look up to see them.  But Jack gets stuck and I have to go right under the tree to get him.  For a moment while I reach up to grab him I look up.  I look way up into the tree and see all its twisting branches and flowering leaves.  I see the sun all the way up through the tree's top.  For a moment I take it in.  The sun, the branches, the leaves, my son, his branch-like arms and legs...and me reaching for him the way the branches reach for the sun.  "I am the vine, you are the branches...." It seeps into my heart and brain and takes me by surprise again.  God loves me.  God made me.  God loves my kids.  God loves his people.  Even when this world seems fast and furious, over burdened and over limit, careless and worthless, scary and cold...God loves his creation.  I believe that God is real and that there is a Hope.  I lift my little Jack down and he takes my hand.  He smiles and says, "Thank you mommy....you help Jack".  I smile back.  Thank you God...you help me.

Mornings...this is one of my favorites.

I walked upstairs this morning to find three of my kiddos dancing to Jana Alyra, a children's worship CD that will never get old.  My girls are twirling and singing about how Christ's love knows no bounds.  I come in with my coffee and see what brings me to tears.  My oldest girl says she just taught her little brother about Jesus.  Jack is our baby, at 2 years old he is hardly a baby, but a baby we call him nontheless.  She says look mom...and Jack folds his hands and bows his head...,"Dear God, I love you Jesus, Amen!"...new words for my two year old.  My daughter says, "I told him about how Jesus loves him and how to pray".  I told her that God delights when we share His Good News with others and how delighted He will be with her.  She then asked, "Am I in the book of Lambs"?  I smiled and said she is already in the "Lambs book of life".  She then asked if she could sing me a song she made up...."God is good...I can't wait to enter into his gates...He loves me...".  Precious.  My heart melts.  How precious God's children are to him and how precious are the ones who worship Him without limits.  Even in our big city life with busy comings and goings I am thankful for these moments that we just sit and dance.  We have no plans or agendas.  We are in the moment with God and His Love.

Taking care of myself

My friend was starting this diet and she asked if I wanted to join her.  I am not much of a dieter.  I actually am slightly opposed to depriving yourself of foods that you want/enjoy.  However, getting older and facing the fact that I am not going to actually be able to exercise the way I used to, I thought I would try the diet.  I must add that I am not following the diet exactly....it is a loose interpretation of the suggested meals.  My findings so far (two weeks in to the diet) have been thus, I have lost 5 pounds and gained a new appreciation for myself.  Not because of the 5 pounds, but because of the time I have spent on myself these past few weeks.  I have four small children and rarely eat more than a peanut butter and jelly left over crust, some chips and a coffee during the day. These past few weeks I have actually spent time on thinking about what to eat.  I have carefully selected colorful vegetables and saute'ed them, added spices and seasoning, and a protein of some sort.  I have grilled and cooked for myself a plethora of things for three meals a day for two weeks.  I have begun to love this time each day.  I thought I would hate taking the time to chop and stir every meal for myself (as I seem to channel the essence of a short-order chef when I cook for my kids). So, bless my friend who made me try this diet.  I am not much of a dieter, but now it's personal.  I deserve to eat food that will allow my body to be the best mom it can be.