Acclimate or Accommodate

It happened again.  I was sitting across a lovely dinner table at my friend Katie's house.  She is an artist by trade, married to an artist, and lives in a beautifully crafted home that glows in peace and glorious smells from her always active kitchen.  She asked me and my rather large family over for dinner on a Sunday evening, which really never happens when you have four kids.  As we chatted over her delicious BBQ sandwiches, the conversation turned to our kids...as it almost always does when you have at least one.  We talked of fun things like "firsts"and the "what ifs", then she asked the question.  The question I have heard over and over again in the past year,  "How far do you push your kids? When you know what they are capable of, how far do you push and when do you stop pushing and accommodate their short comings?"

This is a question that has come across countless conversations in the past year.  I could almost complete the sentence word for word as it came out of Katie's mouth.

I have wrestled with this question a million times over the past seven years.

Since my eleven year old son was three, we have covered countless territories in seeking to understand his academic and emotional needs.  We've changed schools four times.  FOUR!

How much do we push him? What are realistic goals for him?

I sadly confess that I yelled at my then five year old boy because he could not complete his work.  My frustration peaked daily as I tried to understand why he couldn't do what I asked him to do.  He couldn't follow simple two-step instructions, or focus on anything for more than thirty seconds.

I spent several years asking him to acclimate to his surroundings, to rise up and step up to the plate.  My asking turned into heartbreak as I started to realize he could not do what other kids could do.  So, after testing and trials,  I accommodated him. We tried to fill the gap.

We changed schools, we even homeschooled, now we hybrid school.  And here we are again.

Meetings with teachers and counselors tell me that he struggles with anxiety.  No learning disability, no dyslexia.  No plan for a kid like him.  They wish me the best and send me on my way.

It's up to me.

Again, I ask, "How far do I push him? When do I step in and accommodate? How do I wean him off the accommodations? He can't go to college with me by his side!"

I have heard so many moms ask these same questions.  Would you share with me some stories of a child, or even a relationship, that you have had where you have walked that line to acclimate or accommodate?